Reflections
of a "supposed former infatuation junkie" Alanis
Morissette
in her own words:
THE ALBUM TITLE:
In the past when I felt infatuated with someone I wanted
to pass through
that phase, no skip over it entirely because I felt out
of control and
overwhelmed... releationships equates confusion and pain
to me... upon
realizing why relationships exist and understanding myself
more, I can
now enjoy the eheart palpatating phase of infatuation once
again...
THE SONGS:
front row:
a stream of consciousness recounting of three separate conersations
with
people on situations that inspired me in some way. the chorus
allows me
to express how privileged I feel to be eable to be intimate
with these
people to provide an environment for them in which they
can feel safe...
where i can see all parts of them without judgment.
thank u:
first song written with glen for the record... after haing
stooopped for
what felt like the first time in my life and experiencing
a deep
stillness, I was left with an oerwhelming sense of gratitude,
inspiration and compassion... It felt natural for this to
be the first
song release as it encapsulates the heart space from which
all the songs
on this record sprung.
are you still mad:
on JLP, I viscerally reacted to certain people/situations
that resulted
in a cathartic release... on this song I allow myself the
emotional
reaction (which I think is important) while also taking
responsibility
for my role in the relationships which resulted in a sense
of closure
that had not been realized by my simply reacting or solely
pointing the
finger.
baba:
my direct experiences with spiritual materialism within
certain
communities (particularly in the west) and the idealism
of
eastern/exotic spiritual practices... sensing the dissonance
between the
competition, elitism, and judgment within some of these
culturally
adopted rituals/gods and compassion itself.
sympathetic character:
I needed to get to the root of why I was so afraid of conflict
and being
around anger. We live in a society that sees rage as something
that is
to be repressed or something that is explosive and destructive...we
arent' taught how to express our ragae, having it be heard
and released
in a non-destructive way. this song was my recounting my
fears of having
spent a lot of time around people that couldn't contain
(their rage).
The writing of this song enabled me to be able to see rage
as natural
and not to fear my own.
that i would be good:
I was meditating in my closet and i asked myself "what
do you want?"
the couch:
this song was written following a conversation I had with
my dad
regarding his life story. I was able to see him for who
he was (outside
of his role as my father) for what felt like the first time.
It was very
healing for both of us.
cant not:
this song was written in 1995 after I had started touring
for JLP and it
reflects some of what my mindset was at the time. It was
originally
being recorded as a b-side but once it was realised I wanted
it on the
record.
ur:
a brief and retrospective lok at my "career" in
chronological order. the
first verse being about when I was 10 years old. the second
verse about
my mid-teens. the thihrd verse being about the time right
after JLP
tour. parts of the choruses are other people's perspectives
and parts of
mine.
I was hoping:
the choruses in this song are about my having been excited
with the
newly discovered opportunity that I saw - the relationship
i was in -
and what it was providing for the both of us. I had never
understood the
healing quality of safety and intimacy, or the consciousness
that was
required of me to be in that kind of relationship until
that point. The
verses are my recounting three separate conversations/experiences.
one:
I was safe enough with this person to show him parts of
myself that I
needed to express in order to change them. I hadnt' been
able to do so
in the past because those parts of myself would have been
judged. In
being judged I would not have been able tomove through them.
I also
explore and understand the concept of our interconnectedness.
would not come:
revelations based on what happened in the past three years
in
particular. fame, money "status" ... constantly
feeling that I had to
look outside of myself to see who I was and to feel bliss.
Haing to
"achieve", run, grasp, or "become" something
other than what I was in
order to be worthy/accepted. putting it down on paper made
me realize
the disservice I was doing to my true self and how transparent
and
unfulfilling it can be to put all my happiness in the hands
of external
brass rings.
unsent:
this song started with my writing the first verse and realizing
that
there were many more people with whom I hadn't had closure...
romantic,
platonic, and professional relationships. some of the namaes
are
nicknamaes, some of them are variations on their names,
and some of them
are their real names... I talked to some of the people that
inspired the
verses and came to realize that this song encouraged me
to connect with
these people directly and not rely on songwriting as a way
of my
avoiding direct/difficult contact.
so pure:
both the expression of anger and the expression of joy have
been equally
vulnerable for me at different times in my life. I allowed
myself to be
inspired and infatuated with this person who is unapologetically
and
exuberantly themself.
joining you:
my reaching out to a friend who was questioning his own
suffering by my
saying that what we are within can manifest itself externally
rather
than allowing society's illusions to define who we are.
heart of the house:
my tribute to my mother and to femininity in general. I
thought in order
to function in what I saw as a patriarchal society I had
to adopt
masculine qualities in order to be treated with the respect
I deserved.
IN Doing so I was unwittingly being chauvinistic myself
and further
confirming the lack of integrating both the feminine and
dmasculine
qualities in all of us. Upon finding the gray area I naturally
w antetd
to honor my relationship with my mother and with femininity
itself.
your congratulations:
feeling for so long that I had to compromise/downplay my
power,
intelligence, or talent in order not to threaten and lose
the affection
of those that I LOVED> There being this underlying belief
that somehow
both people couldn't share the power, that one person had
to win and
that the other had to "lose". My wanting for it
to hae been possible for
both people to "win". with b eeing in the public
eye since I was young,
those that were close to me often felt as though I was being
inundated
with praise from so many people that they (the people I
was closest to)
themselves stopped giving it...
THE PRESSURE QUESTION:
I see every recording I've done as a snapshot of that time
in my life. I
feel fulfilled when I feel the songs were inspired and representative
of
myself in the moment. In taking the valuable time off that
I did, it
allowed me the freedom to write from a place of love and
inspiration
(even if it was about pain or confusiono) rather than a
piece of
impatience or fear. I consider my records to be "successful"
the moment
they're finished and I had/have no expectations for them.